Dating Relationship Tip: Don't Let Them Trash You

A little give and take in the dating relationship is okay but when it starts to get one sided then be on your guard.

It started with the subtle digs, disguised as jokes. You have a pretty good sense of humor so in the beginning you took it in stride. As a matter of fact you gave it right back to your dating partner. You figured a little verbal sparring laced with humor was okay. It showed that both of you could tale it and it kept you on your toes.

You cannot recall when it happened but somewhere along the line the digs at you stopped being so subtle; in fact they got a little stronger and a lot less humorous. You told your dating partner this more than once but they swore that you were wrong. They explained it away by saying the two of you were just getting more comfortable with each other.

Again you let it go. After all it doesn't happen with any particular regularity. Besides you always manage to hold your own and you really do like this person. No complaints about the times you two spend together. Truth to tell it looks like the both of you have gotten serious about each other.

But here it comes again. Not only is it intense but there is no humor at all. This time it is a scathing critique of your flaws and some of your mannerisms. To be sure it catches off guard. You have never acted that way towards them so where did this come from? When you confront them, they tell you to stop being so sensitive. Can't you take a little joke?

Only you know they were not joking and they know it too. Nobody who really cares about the person they are going out with would trash them. The chances are you may be going out with someone who is practiced in the art of verbal abuse.

They are not doing this exercise to see how much you can take or to gauge whether you would be a worthy adversary for future verbal sparring. The point is to see what makes you tick, force that emotional door open and take control of the relationship.

Be very cautious especially if they are so cavalier when it comes to your feelings or when you do confront them they get very defensive and try to turn the tables back on you.

A little give and take in the relationship is okay as long as both parties are okay with it and it is laced with caring, humor and affection. However if one person starts to become the constant initiator and aggressor then watch out. They are probably looking to tip the balance of the relationship overwhelmingly in their favor.

Article written by Daryl Campbell - The Relationship Tip - It's not love or caring or even just providing a candid evaluation. In essence, relentless criticism only serves one purpose.

winthemarket.com

By Daryl Campbell
Published: 11/11/2008

Dating Relationship Tip: Don't Let Them Trash You

A little give and take in the dating relationship is okay but when it starts to get one sided then be on your guard.

It started with the subtle digs, disguised as jokes. You have a pretty good sense of humor so in the beginning you took it in stride. As a matter of fact you gave it right back to your dating partner. You figured a little verbal sparring laced with humor was okay. It showed that both of you could tale it and it kept you on your toes.

You cannot recall when it happened but somewhere along the line the digs at you stopped being so subtle; in fact they got a little stronger and a lot less humorous. You told your dating partner this more than once but they swore that you were wrong. They explained it away by saying the two of you were just getting more comfortable with each other.

Again you let it go. After all it doesn't happen with any particular regularity. Besides you always manage to hold your own and you really do like this person. No complaints about the times you two spend together. Truth to tell it looks like the both of you have gotten serious about each other.

But here it comes again. Not only is it intense but there is no humor at all. This time it is a scathing critique of your flaws and some of your mannerisms. To be sure it catches off guard. You have never acted that way towards them so where did this come from? When you confront them, they tell you to stop being so sensitive. Can't you take a little joke?

Only you know they were not joking and they know it too. Nobody who really cares about the person they are going out with would trash them. The chances are you may be going out with someone who is practiced in the art of verbal abuse.

They are not doing this exercise to see how much you can take or to gauge whether you would be a worthy adversary for future verbal sparring. The point is to see what makes you tick, force that emotional door open and take control of the relationship.

Be very cautious especially if they are so cavalier when it comes to your feelings or when you do confront them they get very defensive and try to turn the tables back on you.

A little give and take in the relationship is okay as long as both parties are okay with it and it is laced with caring, humor and affection. However if one person starts to become the constant initiator and aggressor then watch out. They are probably looking to tip the balance of the relationship overwhelmingly in their favor.

Article written by Daryl Campbell - The Relationship Tip - It's not love or caring or even just providing a candid evaluation. In essence, relentless criticism only serves one purpose.

winthemarket.com

By Daryl Campbell
Published: 11/11/2008

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Finally Ready to Meet the One?

When you get divorced, how long should you wait before you begin to date again? Only your children should be considered in answering this question.

When you go through a divorce it feels like you are grieving a death and basically, that’s precisely what you are doing. A divorce is the death of a marriage. It takes time to "get through it" and get the grief processed. You need to grieve and go through the stages of grief. If you have been divorced awhile, you may be ready to start dating again. Before you start to take this important step, you need to do some evaluating.

First of all, you need to assess how long you have been divorced. Has it been a month, six months, a year? Everyone’s time frame for when it is appropriate for you to start dating will vary. The only people that you need to consider when making this decision are your children. I’m not saying that you need to ask their permission; they might not be accepting of the idea for a while. I’m just saying that it is your job to assess the situation. How have they been acting? Do they ask you about finding some one new? How old are they? Are they little kids who really don’t understand the situation fully, or are they older kids who really do know what is going on?

Second of all, you need to figure out your approach. If you do start dating, are you going to be open about it or keep it a secret from your children until you find some one that you want to be serious with? I have seen people take both of these paths. In my opinion, being open from the start is better. You may be opposed to this at first, but it really does ease them into the whole process. When a parent keeps it from them and all of a sudden is like "WHAM! This is my new boyfriend/girlfriend." It’s a lot for some children to handle all at once.

Third, you have to actually start dating! How is that going to happen? Are people already trying to fix you up? Do you have someone in mind already that you are interested in? Would you prefer to join some kind of dating service?

This should be an exciting time for you. You might not have been on a date in a long time, but it will all come rushing back. It’s good to get past the grief of your divorce, begin dating again and meet new people even if nothing develops romantically. You can never have too many friends to share time and conversation with.

By Len Stauffenger Published: 4/4/2008