The Physics and Chemistry of Love

The Physics and Chemistry of Love
Love, like all things bound to the universe, is non existent without some amount of physics and chemistry attached to it. As a scientist cynically pointed out, cupid’s arrows would never have been effective if they had not been first dipped in one unromantically named chemical- phenylethylamine.
Nor would the human body’s reaction have given us dramas like Romeo and Juliet, if oxytocin did not have its way. Together these two form the chemistry of love. The common symptoms of love, including sweaty palms, shaky knees and general restlessness, are caused by a natural chemical, Phenylethylamine (commonly dubbed the `love molecule'). Its release from the brain can be triggered from deceptively simple actions like the meeting of the eyes or touching of the hands. Heady emotions, racing pulses and heavy breathing results, and all these are (unfortunately) clinically explained as an overdose of this chemical. A very interesting thing is that chocolate is known to have very high level of this chemical…perhaps that’s the reason why it is considered a perfect gift for valentine. Or for your sweetheart.

The latest discovery is the arrangement of molecules in this chemicals and the whole world is excited because now, like the witches of the yore, we can actually concoct love potions. In other words, mankind could be on its way to isolating the chemical compound and making drugs that can induce these reactions in us, in other words….you take the drug, and you fall in love with the next person you see. Imagine the chaos that the world will face. But the scientists say that as of now, this discovery will be used to find out how it can help in some other chemical reactions, to cure disease or other, more useful pursuits and research (though everyone agrees what can be more useful than making someone fall with in love you!!!!)

At this point of time, research on the phenylethylamine molecule breakthrough could be extremely helpful in testing of chemicals related to mental illness. Parkinson’s disease could be one.

So what are we left with? Explanations, but nothing is still in our hands. What we know about love is still largely out of our control. For instance, infatuation. This is supposedly the first stage of falling in love, an unbearable attraction towards someone. This attraction causes a virtual explosion of nuerochemicals very similar to adrenalin. Assisted by Phenylethylamine (that speeds up the flow of information between cells), dopamine (that makes us glow and feel good), and norepinephrine (that stimulates the production of adrenalin), make our world go round, our eyes sparkle and our heart beat faster. Our entire existence then depends on the sight of the person who triggered these reactions to begin with, and as the addiction to the chemical grows stronger, our attraction becomes greater. At this stage we commit foolish mistakes which are the stuff puppy love stories are made of. Actually it is these three chemicals that combine to give us what we call infatuation. We feel we are energized, often floating on air…and the reason why people who are just falling in love can talk for hours on end… (the same person becomes boring at a later stage).

We can blame our chemicals for everything. We had a list of attributes ready for matching, but we just end up falling in love with the person who possesses none of them…it is , as they say, chemistry. Social obligations, other relationships, sense and sensibility, all take a back seat; our mind soars with these natural drugs. No wonder, a lover and a madman are said to be alike. Scientists also opine that this `clicking’ would be with a person with whom we can identify a parent-child situation. A person who, in our subconscious, will give us back something we feel we lost during our growing up years. For some it is security, for some others, it is warmth, and then others, just a spirit of adventure. This could be the reason why demure, well brought up girls usually fall for wastrels. This subconscious selection of mate gets our phenylethylamines and other chemicals moving. This period when our brain is awash with the love hormones lasts for different durations in different people, between six months to three years. In most of us, it settles down after that. For mercurial people, this high is missed and that’s the reason why they need another temporary high….another relationship, another chemical fix. If these love junkies stay married, they will need new relationships to keep their dope, and sometimes, bigger highs. hence bigger risks.

In this world of chemical signals, humans are not scientifically considered monogamous; we do not fall under the 3% of the species that are monogamous. The species that stick to one mate usually have a rich flow of another chemical called vasopressin, the monogamy chemical. Experiments done with males injected with this chemical brought out all the evidence needed. Isolating males before and after mating showed that before mating, he was indifferent to all females. But 24 hours after mating, he is hooked for life. The jealous husband syndrome sets in too.

Another interesting chemical is oxytoxin, the `cuddling ‘chemical. It promotes the need to be physically held, have close contact with he mate and makes both the sexes more caring. It can be released simply by a lover’s look, smell or even a fantasy.

So much for the chemistry of infatuation. When infatuation subsides, another chemical takes over, which is responsible for intimate relationships. These chemicals are created by endorphins. They make a relationship steadier, intimate, dependable, warm and a great sharing experience. They do not induce a giddy high, but calmness and stability…hence are the reason why people stay married. The longer they are married, the longer two people stay together, because this chemical is addictive. It is endorphins that trigger grief on a spouse’s death or long separation, those yearnings for togetherness. The two types of attachments can be summed up as follows…adrenaline love is being in love with the idea of being in love. While endorphins, we like loving someone.

So much for the magic of love and the realms written on it. It did come out of a bottle after all….and continues to afflict us….generations after generation.

Tips for Singles Interested in Free Online Dating

Here is some advice when considering free online dating sites.

Free online dating is a cheap and efficient way of meeting singles in today's world. The average amount of money that is spent on one real life date is about fifty dollars. To some that is just plain crazy, that is why free online dating is so popular. There are numerous sites that do not charge for their dating services and some that do. Today we'll discuss what to look out for when searching for the perfect free dating site.

When searching for a free dating site you might come across the big name dating sites that say their services are free when in reality they're not. Double check if these sites are really free in their About Us section of their site, here you will usually get the nitty gritty. This way you will not waste your time in filling out a profile and then get charged for using a simple feature like email. When reading the About Us section do not be fooled by their clever slogans like paying for quality online dating will result in quality experiences. This is so beyond the truth it's insane, like mentioned before there are plenty of other completely free online dating sites that have the same features or even more than these wallet pinching thieves! The moral of this first rule is this: Why join a dating site that lies to you right in the beginning?

Look out for the number of ads placed within the dating site. If you click on a free online dating site and then you see your screen become flooded with flashing ads, Get Out! These dating sites usually have all sorts of viruses and bugs that could very well harm your computer. Another example of inappropriate ad placement is this, if you decide to join a free online dating site and you're required to click on an advertisement before moving on to the next step, Get Out! No dating site should make you their slave and make them get richer and richer by annoying you with ads to click. You should enjoy your free online dating experience, you shouldn't get hassled for it.

If you do decide to join a free online dating site make sure that your privacy is kept. Meaning this, usually when you fill out a dating profile you're asked for your email address. After you finish completing your profile make sure you can remove your email address from the dating site's mailing list. If you cannot delete it this is normally a bad sign. Dating sites that require your email address and will not let you delete it often email you fake messages stating that someone is interested in you or something along those lines just to keep you coming back. Sometimes these dating sites sell your email address to other sites that will send you even more ridiculous emails. Again, you of all people should enjoy free online dating.

So these are the first three things to look out for when considering free online dating. Don't be discouraged when reading these tips, there are plenty of trustworthy dating sites on the web. Just be smart and know what to watch out for when filling in your personal information.

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By April Wu

Hadley Freeman: Real Romantics Look to the Past

Anyone gone speed dating lately? I highly recommend you do, if only for the fascinating visual experience. Oh come now, no need to feel ashamed anymore.

Anyone gone speed dating lately? I highly recommend you do, if only for the fascinating visual experience. Oh come now, no need to feel ashamed anymore. According to a report by Telecom Express, one in five single Britons now uses dating services and they pay out over £43m a year in the hope that a stranger or machine can help them find their happily ever afters.

Speed dating is rarely sold on this merit, but the events have a wonderfully elegant choreography. Everyone moves collectively in a clockwise direction every few minutes: suddenly those country house reels seen in television adaptations of Jane Austen don't seem so anachronistic. And this might explain their success.

In Austen's time such structured farragos were necessary because they provided an acceptable context in which men and women were allowed to do more than engage in parlour talk about Lady de Burgh's new garden arrangement. So it is, on the surface, puzzling to see people submit themselves to orchestrated manoeuvres in this era of "sex texting".

These days we can have a pretty good look around for ourselves at what's on offer. But maybe this social freedom has become a bit overwhelming. We prefer romance to be pursued within a reassuring structure in which someone else is in charge.

There are two, apparently contradictory, reasons why many people find the rise of dating services depressing. On the one hand, the thought of people being so desperate for a partner that they'll go to a town hall on a wet Wednesday evening and chat to 30 people for five minutes each seems pathetic. On the other, a mindset based on probably too many romantic comedies, cries out that true love cannot be forced.

Many theories have been posited as to why, in the 21st century, finding love is still such a fraught business. We are caught at an awkward time - after feminism's sexual liberation but before we have established new expectations about our romantic lives. We are no longer obliged to find a spouse before the age of 30. Plenty of us will have more than one long-term partner during our lives. And most of us understand that Richard Curtis's view of human relations is not necessarily a realistic one.

Social structures have shifted, and in the absence of knowing how to incorporate our search for love within this, we have harked back to older, more controlled, methods newly trussed up in modern coating.

Or maybe Pride and Prejudice's Mrs Bennett was right and many of us - still - just want a little guiding push.

© Guardian News & Media 2008
Published: 4/14/2004