Love in Simple Words
I was not knowing its definition. But when i went far from it, the first letter I learned was "L" and word was "Love".
Whatever I am writing - is based on my personal experience with life. It’s just like life has become a book or certification for me. Similar I found with Mr. M K Gandhi "The Father of Nation – India". He wrote about his experience with truth. I am inspired because writing is best way to express all your feelings that you can’t do elsewhere.
Till date – I am unmarried. I have just started my career as an associate consultant. I believe consultant acts as a confusing mechanism to a client. Provide options not a decision. Well I am straightforward and honest. I have doubt to what extend and how long will I continue with all falsehood of business. Anyway this is expression time.
My elder sister is a center of my life. I never find absence of love, friendship or guardian till I am with my sister. Once I was far – the first letter I learned was "L" and word was "Love". Even you start loving your age girl in your college days. It is becoming fashion! Get a bike – girl friend is free. Cost is only petrol. You be at Canteen, no class, all types of festivals and days in campus.
Sometime I was worried about my common man inside. I never did in my graduation. I had given lift only to one girl who was my enemy but by default she was a member of my industrial project study.
Well I have not so many words to express my love and friendship. You generally express what you have rather you missed. Right?
First of all I dislike thinking about love as any physical act. What we call romanticism. Romeo and Juliet. – A Great Love Story. Well it was. But it is our style to misunderstand everything. (I may also do same thing!) But Thomas Moore says, "Romantic love is an illusion. Most of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair or else when the sweet emotions of love lead us into marriage and then turn down their flames." I 100 % agree with the statement.
At this moment – I get an another tragedy. Few of my friends were really in deep love. I don’t know its meaning please! Graduation was over. Those who were unable to create their future include them too. There is a French proverb: -" Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass." It is ok to love someone else if you know how to love yourself first! Understand love first. Love is not a girl for a friend and vice versa. It is not a feeling. It is not an attraction. Definitely love is not a time pass at all.
There is an edge in our region: "Never wait for bus, train and a girl. If you missed one, another will come." But Gentleman " What are you doing at all?" You have to catch one.
It is really tough to define love for one. We all have different meanings of love. It depends on psychology of different minds. For any Road Romeo – seating on cross roads and looking passionately thinking all nightmare dreams is love. For any highly knowledgeable studying at college impressing classmates and taking city round just like a guide is a love. For any typical clerk marrying a caste girl and seating on seashore – planning future having number of children is true love. So many examples!
On the same situation Leo Tolstoy says "If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love."
Well let me express few words on my experience. My love is always based on expectation of true friendship. For most of people family love may be messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern. But it is not of my case. I find true meaning of love when I put my first step far from my sister.
You know - Sisters touch your heart in ways no other could. Sisters share... their hopes, their fears, their love, everything they have. Real friendship springs from their special bonds.
My weakness is I easily fall in love. And probably I love to write on love although I have been a poor unsuccessful story. But I am one of the luckiest fellows who have got love since birth in advance.
I always look a person like my sister in a girl whom I love. Sorry I am attaching love with girl. Love has no physical entity. Still let’s take a girl, my age girl. 2-3 years above and down difference is ok. Out of my life’s six choices most of where "salwar – kamiz" ( an Indian dress material) just like my sister. They were bold enough to talk at the same time able to understand situation. In short similar to my sister.
What does it mean? We love people on the basis of some attributes. Even you check out with your experience. Most of us will agree with me finding same attributes or characteristics in a person whom we loved.
I don’t know what is Love? I don’t know what is Friendship? I don’t know anything? I just want a person who can understand my feelings my nature my problems and me. If I want to meet her or if I want to talk to her, I don’t need a reason. Why do I insist to get my love that can marry me because I will not need a permission of her husband if I want to talk to her.
We rarely understand but always feel it that love-friend-marriage have least degree of control on over physical body rather our mind. Your love is your strength. It is the basis of your existence.
"Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness that afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives." Says Bertrand Russell.
Your love may hurt you any day, as everything that comes has to go. Even my sister will get married one day. My friend whom I loved said she wished to be, as friends rather love. I am happy because she talks to me whenever I need. I have not done anything for her. There are many people who dislike me where I have few people who like me without any reason.
We always need to thank for giving such beautiful and kind relations in life. If you are in age of 12 to 28, you will feel it. Once you pass it, you will understand the reality that I don’t know yet.
Well if you are meeting to your true love today, convey my best wishes!
By Jay C
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Ways to Say I Love You
Ways to Say I Love You
Learn a variety of ways to say I love you with both your words and your actions and build a stronger, healthier relationship.
The best ways to say I love You involve not only words, but actions as well. They don't cost anything and come straight from the heart. Yes the words are absolutely essential, but those words need to be reinforced with strong action. Your lover needs to see your love as well as hear it. If you say "I love you" and yet you never spend time together or show affection, then your words will be questioned. If your words say one thing and your actions say another, then doubts will arise.
The importance of this should not be underestimated or overlooked. It is essential to the quality and success of your relationship.
The expression of love should be consistent, spontaneous, free and bold. Let your lover know without a doubt, each and every day, that they are loved, desired, appreciated and special.
Here are a few ideas to help you on your way.
* Just say it. Say it out loud at least once a day.
* Give them a loving hug before they leave for work.
* Whisper it in your lover's ear as your grocery shopping.
* Take a walk in the moonlight holding hands.
* Write it on the mirror in the bathroom after a steamy shower.
* Put silk sheets on the bed.
* Tell them or write it on a card "I can't imagine my life without you."
* Learn how to say "I love you" in sign language.
* Put a picture of the two of you in a small frame and sit it on their desk.
* Replace the light bulbs in the bedroom with a soft sensuous color or their favorite color.
* Make an origami heart and leave it on their pillow.
* Wake your lover by whispering "I love you" in their ear.
* Bring your lover an "I love you" balloon.
* Send your lover secret love mail.
* Text them or call them in the middle of the day just to say "I love you."
Use these suggestions as a guide, but also learn your own creative ways to say I love you that reflect who you are and tend specific to your relationship. Treat your lover as if every day is Valentine's Day and your relationship will flourish in splendor.
Learn why expressing your love is important to your sex life.
By Cynthia Perkins
Learn a variety of ways to say I love you with both your words and your actions and build a stronger, healthier relationship.
The best ways to say I love You involve not only words, but actions as well. They don't cost anything and come straight from the heart. Yes the words are absolutely essential, but those words need to be reinforced with strong action. Your lover needs to see your love as well as hear it. If you say "I love you" and yet you never spend time together or show affection, then your words will be questioned. If your words say one thing and your actions say another, then doubts will arise.
The importance of this should not be underestimated or overlooked. It is essential to the quality and success of your relationship.
The expression of love should be consistent, spontaneous, free and bold. Let your lover know without a doubt, each and every day, that they are loved, desired, appreciated and special.
Here are a few ideas to help you on your way.
* Just say it. Say it out loud at least once a day.
* Give them a loving hug before they leave for work.
* Whisper it in your lover's ear as your grocery shopping.
* Take a walk in the moonlight holding hands.
* Write it on the mirror in the bathroom after a steamy shower.
* Put silk sheets on the bed.
* Tell them or write it on a card "I can't imagine my life without you."
* Learn how to say "I love you" in sign language.
* Put a picture of the two of you in a small frame and sit it on their desk.
* Replace the light bulbs in the bedroom with a soft sensuous color or their favorite color.
* Make an origami heart and leave it on their pillow.
* Wake your lover by whispering "I love you" in their ear.
* Bring your lover an "I love you" balloon.
* Send your lover secret love mail.
* Text them or call them in the middle of the day just to say "I love you."
Use these suggestions as a guide, but also learn your own creative ways to say I love you that reflect who you are and tend specific to your relationship. Treat your lover as if every day is Valentine's Day and your relationship will flourish in splendor.
Learn why expressing your love is important to your sex life.
By Cynthia Perkins
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Simple Formula to Keep Love and intimacy Alive
A Simple Formula to Keep Love and intimacy Alive
One of the most effective ways to keep love alive and deepen intimacy is to find ways to make your spouse or partner feel cared for and important. Couples often neglect this vital part of their relationship. This article describes simple ways to make appreciation a regular part of your marriage or relationship.
I bet if I asked you what you had for breakfast this morning, you'd have a concrete answer. (Even if the answer is "Black coffee" or "Didn't have time.")
But how about if I ask you to recall something arguably more important than a single morning meal? Let's see how you fare:
In what specific way did you make your partner feel important today? Hmmm?
You didn't think of it? Okay, one missed opportunity might not be a big deal. How did you make your significant other feel special yesterday? What's that? You were too busy. I totally understand--when the work day ends, you have to juggle the kids' itineraries: soccer, music lessons, math tutor. Not to mention putting food on the table. Gotcha.
So reach back into the recesses of your memory. What did you do to openly communicate how important your partner or spouse is to you last week? Last month?
I'm sure you get my point. But it's a point that needs stating anyway, since it applies to each and every one of us:
Your marriage or relationship needs continual nurturing in order to remain healthy.
Gardening is an apropos analogy: consistent care (watering, weeding and pruning) is needed for your garden to flourish. Can you imagine what your rose garden would look like after ignoring it for several weeks?
Formula for Love and Intimacy
One of the most effective ways to keep love and deepen intimacy is to find ways to make your spouse or partner feel cared for and important.
You and your partner + messages of appreciation = Lasting Love
Here's the best part: you can make your partner feel important in as little time as it takes to comb your hair.
Typically, when we talk to our mates, we tend to focus on the things that have to be done. ( "Are you picking Tobey up from karate, or am I?" "Did you mail the mortgage payment?") And in general, we also naturally tend to point out things that need fixing. ( "Waiter, I asked for the hollandaise on the side…my eggs are drowning in it.") But how often do we take the tiny amount of time to regularly articulate the things that work?
All to often, when things are running smoothly, we begin to neglect what works in our marriages or relationships. The cost of this neglect: you and your partner begin to feel unappreciated, emotional intimacy between you dwindles, sex becomes rote and mechanical. People often rationalize that it isn't so bad living in a chronic state of disconnection from their loved one (after all, most of the couples you know don't seem happy either). Some look to people outside of the relationship to make them feel special and appreciated. It shouldn't be this way. And it doesn't have to.
Change patterns of love-neglect
Keep this simple. In fact, the simpler the better. The goal is to be consistent and make it last. (And most people, no matter how busy, can wedge simple, easy tasks into their routines.) Start with small, loving and supportive statements. Here are few areas to focus on in your marriage or relationship:
Messages of appreciation:
Any sentiment that communicates thanks and gratitude fall into this category:
Make it a habit to say "Thank you" more often, even when you partner or spouse does the little things that s/he has done a million times before (poured you the first cup of morning coffee, fed the dog, took out the trash…even if you had to ask). Make sure your partner hears your thanks. (In other words, don't mutter it or say it under your breath. Be generous with your verbalized gratitude.)
Beyond "Thank you," try to add statements like:
"You're such a giving person";
"That was so thoughtful of you";
"That really helped me";
"I appreciate what you did for me";
"You're such a hard worker";
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me";
"That was kind of you."
As you grow more accustomed to pointing out the positive things, you'll naturally see places where these types of statements will fit. And of course your partner will be more motivated to continue to do whatever it was that earned your warm appreciation. So you shape a wonderfully reciprocal situation when you tell him/her you appreciate something.
Here are some other ideas for statements you can use in other situations:
Messages of love and interest:
"I love you"; "I missed you"; "I can't wait to see you"; "You make me so happy"; "I love spending time with you"; "I look forward to spending time with you"; "I'm thinking of you"; "I love that about you"; "How was your day?"; "I'd love to hear about it"; "How would you like to celebrate?"
Messages of support and commitment:
"We're in this together"; "What can I do to help?"; "Don't worry, I'll take care of it"; "That took a lot of courage"; "I'm so proud of you"; "You did a great job"; "I'm sending you good-luck vibes"; "I'm here for you"; "Tell me what you need."
Gestures of love and support :
Actions often speak louder than words. So in addition to regularly sending your partner verbal messages of appreciation to make him/her feel special, take the necessary action steps to make this happen in other ways. And remember: big gestures aren't necessary. A relationship benefits from regular, consistent, smaller gestures, not large-but-rare ones.
A kiss; a hug; holding hands; touching one another; a smile; a loving glance; a wink; a wave; a thumbs-up; a high-five; making him laugh or smile; making her coffee; bringing home his favorite food; a loving note, e-mail, text message, or voice message; a gift; a pleasant surprise; helping out more; being present; being playful; planning for fun…
These lists are by no means exhaustive. Start with them and practice with your partner. It's important to feel the truth behind each statement of love you send. If you parrot statements you truly don't believe, your insincerity will come through. Your goal is to touch your partner's heart, and to do that you have to be in tune with your own heart first.
Feeling loved and appreciated go hand-in-hand. Love and emotional intimacy are nurtured by messages and actions that make you and your partner feel special. While this tends to flow naturally when couples are first dating, years into the relationship it often takes reminders and consistent effort to stay on top of this vital part of your relationship.
To discover other ways to create a deeper, more intimate relationship visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue…before your arguments control you."
Dr. Richard Nicastro is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.
By Richard Nicastro
One of the most effective ways to keep love alive and deepen intimacy is to find ways to make your spouse or partner feel cared for and important. Couples often neglect this vital part of their relationship. This article describes simple ways to make appreciation a regular part of your marriage or relationship.
I bet if I asked you what you had for breakfast this morning, you'd have a concrete answer. (Even if the answer is "Black coffee" or "Didn't have time.")
But how about if I ask you to recall something arguably more important than a single morning meal? Let's see how you fare:
In what specific way did you make your partner feel important today? Hmmm?
You didn't think of it? Okay, one missed opportunity might not be a big deal. How did you make your significant other feel special yesterday? What's that? You were too busy. I totally understand--when the work day ends, you have to juggle the kids' itineraries: soccer, music lessons, math tutor. Not to mention putting food on the table. Gotcha.
So reach back into the recesses of your memory. What did you do to openly communicate how important your partner or spouse is to you last week? Last month?
I'm sure you get my point. But it's a point that needs stating anyway, since it applies to each and every one of us:
Your marriage or relationship needs continual nurturing in order to remain healthy.
Gardening is an apropos analogy: consistent care (watering, weeding and pruning) is needed for your garden to flourish. Can you imagine what your rose garden would look like after ignoring it for several weeks?
Formula for Love and Intimacy
One of the most effective ways to keep love and deepen intimacy is to find ways to make your spouse or partner feel cared for and important.
You and your partner + messages of appreciation = Lasting Love
Here's the best part: you can make your partner feel important in as little time as it takes to comb your hair.
Typically, when we talk to our mates, we tend to focus on the things that have to be done. ( "Are you picking Tobey up from karate, or am I?" "Did you mail the mortgage payment?") And in general, we also naturally tend to point out things that need fixing. ( "Waiter, I asked for the hollandaise on the side…my eggs are drowning in it.") But how often do we take the tiny amount of time to regularly articulate the things that work?
All to often, when things are running smoothly, we begin to neglect what works in our marriages or relationships. The cost of this neglect: you and your partner begin to feel unappreciated, emotional intimacy between you dwindles, sex becomes rote and mechanical. People often rationalize that it isn't so bad living in a chronic state of disconnection from their loved one (after all, most of the couples you know don't seem happy either). Some look to people outside of the relationship to make them feel special and appreciated. It shouldn't be this way. And it doesn't have to.
Change patterns of love-neglect
Keep this simple. In fact, the simpler the better. The goal is to be consistent and make it last. (And most people, no matter how busy, can wedge simple, easy tasks into their routines.) Start with small, loving and supportive statements. Here are few areas to focus on in your marriage or relationship:
Messages of appreciation:
Any sentiment that communicates thanks and gratitude fall into this category:
Make it a habit to say "Thank you" more often, even when you partner or spouse does the little things that s/he has done a million times before (poured you the first cup of morning coffee, fed the dog, took out the trash…even if you had to ask). Make sure your partner hears your thanks. (In other words, don't mutter it or say it under your breath. Be generous with your verbalized gratitude.)
Beyond "Thank you," try to add statements like:
"You're such a giving person";
"That was so thoughtful of you";
"That really helped me";
"I appreciate what you did for me";
"You're such a hard worker";
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me";
"That was kind of you."
As you grow more accustomed to pointing out the positive things, you'll naturally see places where these types of statements will fit. And of course your partner will be more motivated to continue to do whatever it was that earned your warm appreciation. So you shape a wonderfully reciprocal situation when you tell him/her you appreciate something.
Here are some other ideas for statements you can use in other situations:
Messages of love and interest:
"I love you"; "I missed you"; "I can't wait to see you"; "You make me so happy"; "I love spending time with you"; "I look forward to spending time with you"; "I'm thinking of you"; "I love that about you"; "How was your day?"; "I'd love to hear about it"; "How would you like to celebrate?"
Messages of support and commitment:
"We're in this together"; "What can I do to help?"; "Don't worry, I'll take care of it"; "That took a lot of courage"; "I'm so proud of you"; "You did a great job"; "I'm sending you good-luck vibes"; "I'm here for you"; "Tell me what you need."
Gestures of love and support :
Actions often speak louder than words. So in addition to regularly sending your partner verbal messages of appreciation to make him/her feel special, take the necessary action steps to make this happen in other ways. And remember: big gestures aren't necessary. A relationship benefits from regular, consistent, smaller gestures, not large-but-rare ones.
A kiss; a hug; holding hands; touching one another; a smile; a loving glance; a wink; a wave; a thumbs-up; a high-five; making him laugh or smile; making her coffee; bringing home his favorite food; a loving note, e-mail, text message, or voice message; a gift; a pleasant surprise; helping out more; being present; being playful; planning for fun…
These lists are by no means exhaustive. Start with them and practice with your partner. It's important to feel the truth behind each statement of love you send. If you parrot statements you truly don't believe, your insincerity will come through. Your goal is to touch your partner's heart, and to do that you have to be in tune with your own heart first.
Feeling loved and appreciated go hand-in-hand. Love and emotional intimacy are nurtured by messages and actions that make you and your partner feel special. While this tends to flow naturally when couples are first dating, years into the relationship it often takes reminders and consistent effort to stay on top of this vital part of your relationship.
To discover other ways to create a deeper, more intimate relationship visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue…before your arguments control you."
Dr. Richard Nicastro is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.
By Richard Nicastro
How To Write a Romantic Love Letter
How To Write a Romantic Love Letter
If writing a love letter leaves you speechless, use these simple techniques to get what's in your heart on paper.
How To Write a Romantic Love Letter
Does the thought of writing a love letter or poem automatically reduce your vocabulary to a 5-year-old’s level? Well, believe it or not, that’s a great place to begin!
Kids speak straight from the heart. They don’t worry about tripping over the right words, they only know how to say what they want using the most simple language. As adults, we let our thinking get in the way of our emotions and worry about the details before we have the big picture.
Dream a love letter
You don't need a sample love letter or a free printable love letter. You're going to dream up your own romantic love letters.
An indispensible tool for writing is a thesaurus. You'll find many free ones online; they're a wonderful aid to finding exactly the right word. Have paper and pen ready to jot notes, but forget about words and writing for now.
Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down, let your shoulders drop and take a few deep breaths, at least 5 or 6. Inhale deeply, feel the air going to the bottom of your belly, then slowly exhale as you pull in your abdomen.
Close your eyes and begin visualizing the one you love and create a movie of you slowly running your eyes over every inch of their body. What do you especially appreciate? View their eyes looking back at you, run your fingers through their hair, caress their cheek and softly brush your lips against theirs. See the smile of joy, the tilt of their head towards you, their arms around you. Feel their heart beat against yours and take in the warmth of their skin. Watch as they run towards you, eager to rush into your arms. How do you feel?
Let your movie continue running. Pull out the memories of when you had a lot of fun and laughter, your most passionate times together or when you were sad and your love silently held you close. Which of them brings up the most emotion in you? What do you see, hear, taste, touch and feel? What are they wearing . . . or not wearing?
Linger a little longer; let the feelings run throughout your entire body. Are you getting little tingles running up and down your spine?
First love letter steps
The most emotional memories are the ones that will fuel your love letter or poem. You should be in a better mood for writing, relaxed and smiling. Take a few more deep breaths before you begin to write.
You don’t have to get up; this might put you into "thinking" mode. Begin jotting notes down. Slowly replay each movie and describe the scenes with short, simple phrases, as a child would. Later on, you can link these shorter phrases into longer ones, but for now, you want to capture all the sensations, physically and emotionally, that being with the one you love means to you.
Love and emotions are abstract concepts so you need "furniture" to make it real. Your movie gives you this material. Relate the juicy details of the surrounding scenery, your love, what all your senses experience and add them to your love letter.
Now put it all together.
Instead of "When you walk into a room and smile at me, I forget what I'm thinking," add the furniture. "You quietly glide into the sunlight streaming through the window, your silky hair falls over your shoulder. And then you gently tilt your head towards me and flash me that quirky little half smile of yours that gets my heart beating faster, my lips tingling . . . and I forget everything I ever knew as our eyes meet and lock into an embrace."
No fancy words, there’s only two words that have three syllables!
The "Laundry List" technique
If you find this difficult to do, the "laundry list" technique might work for you. Simply list all the qualities you appreciate about your love: physical, emotional, gestures, favorite sayings, funny habits. For physical, start at the top of their head and work down to their toes. For emotional, list different situations and how their response makes you feel.
Or you could make a list of all the dreams you both have and how you want to be together to share them.
Find a clip art heart (usually available in a word processing program) and use it as a bullet before each item in your list. Or give it a number, "101 Ways I Love You." Then print out your list on fancy paper. Add a photo of you both, either digitally or glue it on afterwards. Spray on a little cologne (at a distance) and, voila, you have a romantic love letter.
Love Poems
A love poem can be the most daunting to attempt and many won't even try. If you really want to make up a poem, but feel you have no talent, cheat a little! Look up a favorite poem and see if you can change a few lines to personalize it. Or do the same with a favorite song lyric, then perform it karaoke style. Go all out and dress up for the occasion.
If you have a special occasion you’re celebrating, you may want to have a poet put your feelings into a formal poem for you. Reciting the poem will make a bigger impact than just handing it over and as it may be gift wrapped, make sure you have a copy to read aloud.
Once you get the hang of it, love letters will flow from your heart and fingers. Remember the little kid in you and keep it simple.
Copyright 2005 Renee Michaels
Renee Michaels is an enthusiastic woman for all aspects of life and its fullest enjoyment. She uses her design, writing and life skills to develop web businesses. For a new romantic anniversary idea or two, visit LoveGifts.
By Renee Michaels
If writing a love letter leaves you speechless, use these simple techniques to get what's in your heart on paper.
How To Write a Romantic Love Letter
Does the thought of writing a love letter or poem automatically reduce your vocabulary to a 5-year-old’s level? Well, believe it or not, that’s a great place to begin!
Kids speak straight from the heart. They don’t worry about tripping over the right words, they only know how to say what they want using the most simple language. As adults, we let our thinking get in the way of our emotions and worry about the details before we have the big picture.
Dream a love letter
You don't need a sample love letter or a free printable love letter. You're going to dream up your own romantic love letters.
An indispensible tool for writing is a thesaurus. You'll find many free ones online; they're a wonderful aid to finding exactly the right word. Have paper and pen ready to jot notes, but forget about words and writing for now.
Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down, let your shoulders drop and take a few deep breaths, at least 5 or 6. Inhale deeply, feel the air going to the bottom of your belly, then slowly exhale as you pull in your abdomen.
Close your eyes and begin visualizing the one you love and create a movie of you slowly running your eyes over every inch of their body. What do you especially appreciate? View their eyes looking back at you, run your fingers through their hair, caress their cheek and softly brush your lips against theirs. See the smile of joy, the tilt of their head towards you, their arms around you. Feel their heart beat against yours and take in the warmth of their skin. Watch as they run towards you, eager to rush into your arms. How do you feel?
Let your movie continue running. Pull out the memories of when you had a lot of fun and laughter, your most passionate times together or when you were sad and your love silently held you close. Which of them brings up the most emotion in you? What do you see, hear, taste, touch and feel? What are they wearing . . . or not wearing?
Linger a little longer; let the feelings run throughout your entire body. Are you getting little tingles running up and down your spine?
First love letter steps
The most emotional memories are the ones that will fuel your love letter or poem. You should be in a better mood for writing, relaxed and smiling. Take a few more deep breaths before you begin to write.
You don’t have to get up; this might put you into "thinking" mode. Begin jotting notes down. Slowly replay each movie and describe the scenes with short, simple phrases, as a child would. Later on, you can link these shorter phrases into longer ones, but for now, you want to capture all the sensations, physically and emotionally, that being with the one you love means to you.
Love and emotions are abstract concepts so you need "furniture" to make it real. Your movie gives you this material. Relate the juicy details of the surrounding scenery, your love, what all your senses experience and add them to your love letter.
Now put it all together.
Instead of "When you walk into a room and smile at me, I forget what I'm thinking," add the furniture. "You quietly glide into the sunlight streaming through the window, your silky hair falls over your shoulder. And then you gently tilt your head towards me and flash me that quirky little half smile of yours that gets my heart beating faster, my lips tingling . . . and I forget everything I ever knew as our eyes meet and lock into an embrace."
No fancy words, there’s only two words that have three syllables!
The "Laundry List" technique
If you find this difficult to do, the "laundry list" technique might work for you. Simply list all the qualities you appreciate about your love: physical, emotional, gestures, favorite sayings, funny habits. For physical, start at the top of their head and work down to their toes. For emotional, list different situations and how their response makes you feel.
Or you could make a list of all the dreams you both have and how you want to be together to share them.
Find a clip art heart (usually available in a word processing program) and use it as a bullet before each item in your list. Or give it a number, "101 Ways I Love You." Then print out your list on fancy paper. Add a photo of you both, either digitally or glue it on afterwards. Spray on a little cologne (at a distance) and, voila, you have a romantic love letter.
Love Poems
A love poem can be the most daunting to attempt and many won't even try. If you really want to make up a poem, but feel you have no talent, cheat a little! Look up a favorite poem and see if you can change a few lines to personalize it. Or do the same with a favorite song lyric, then perform it karaoke style. Go all out and dress up for the occasion.
If you have a special occasion you’re celebrating, you may want to have a poet put your feelings into a formal poem for you. Reciting the poem will make a bigger impact than just handing it over and as it may be gift wrapped, make sure you have a copy to read aloud.
Once you get the hang of it, love letters will flow from your heart and fingers. Remember the little kid in you and keep it simple.
Copyright 2005 Renee Michaels
Renee Michaels is an enthusiastic woman for all aspects of life and its fullest enjoyment. She uses her design, writing and life skills to develop web businesses. For a new romantic anniversary idea or two, visit LoveGifts.
By Renee Michaels
Monday, March 9, 2009
Definition of Love: What is Love
Definition of Love: What is Love
Love is a word with many connotations. This is my definition.
Definition of Love: What is Love
Dictionaries have different meanings for this word. But when I think about this word, my mind conjures up images of all kinds of beautiful things that I have always associated with this word. Flowers, chocolates, candle light dinners, hearts, soft toys, clothes and perfumes, (I hope I haven’t left anything out!) these are the words that have become synonymous with love…but, what about the feelings and emotions associated with this word!
I remember growing up with stars in my eyes and love songs ringing through my ears. Slowly my dreams grew bigger and I started waiting for my Prince Charming to come along and take me with him to a beautiful land where we would be surrounded by servants, good clothes, flowers and jewelry. One day I realized the truth about love...that it was much more than material comforts and gains.
Love is Sharing
Believe me when I say that this is one of the most important ingredients of love. It is important to open ones heart and share – pain, joy, success and failure, it really does not matter, as long as the heart is clear. Love is being honest and knowing that the other person feels the same way too, it is sharing and losing ones inhibitions and knowing that the person on the other side will never be judgmental.
Love is Talking
Yes, love is talking. It is about speaking, telling and sharing. After some time people restrict their conversations to discussing bills, children and pets. This is a sure indicator of things going down hill. Bring the spark back by starting a conversation.
Love is Spending Time Together
A few minutes spent together everyday keeps the boredom away. I just made this up right now, but it is because I feel there is nothing like time invested in a relationship…believe me, it pays! Heavy work schedules take up much time and effort, so it is important to get things into perspective.
Love is Faithfulness
To love means to be true, to love unconditionally means to give with all your heart to one, and only one. Love is when you realize that he/she is the best thing that has happened to you and you want to cherish that person and the moments spent with him/her till death do you part.
Love is Being Friends
Love is being friends with each other. Enjoying simple pleasures in life like shopping, catching a movie or watching television at home, apart from a host of other things that "Friends" normally do!
Love is Looking Together in the Same Direction
This may sound clichéd, but it is true…love is having the same goals and taking steps in that direction to make them come true.
I would like to end with one of my favorite quotations…
"Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly
and without law, and must be plucked where it is found,
and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration."
- D. H. Lawrence
By Rachna Gupta
Love is a word with many connotations. This is my definition.
Definition of Love: What is Love
Dictionaries have different meanings for this word. But when I think about this word, my mind conjures up images of all kinds of beautiful things that I have always associated with this word. Flowers, chocolates, candle light dinners, hearts, soft toys, clothes and perfumes, (I hope I haven’t left anything out!) these are the words that have become synonymous with love…but, what about the feelings and emotions associated with this word!
I remember growing up with stars in my eyes and love songs ringing through my ears. Slowly my dreams grew bigger and I started waiting for my Prince Charming to come along and take me with him to a beautiful land where we would be surrounded by servants, good clothes, flowers and jewelry. One day I realized the truth about love...that it was much more than material comforts and gains.
Love is Sharing
Believe me when I say that this is one of the most important ingredients of love. It is important to open ones heart and share – pain, joy, success and failure, it really does not matter, as long as the heart is clear. Love is being honest and knowing that the other person feels the same way too, it is sharing and losing ones inhibitions and knowing that the person on the other side will never be judgmental.
Love is Talking
Yes, love is talking. It is about speaking, telling and sharing. After some time people restrict their conversations to discussing bills, children and pets. This is a sure indicator of things going down hill. Bring the spark back by starting a conversation.
Love is Spending Time Together
A few minutes spent together everyday keeps the boredom away. I just made this up right now, but it is because I feel there is nothing like time invested in a relationship…believe me, it pays! Heavy work schedules take up much time and effort, so it is important to get things into perspective.
Love is Faithfulness
To love means to be true, to love unconditionally means to give with all your heart to one, and only one. Love is when you realize that he/she is the best thing that has happened to you and you want to cherish that person and the moments spent with him/her till death do you part.
Love is Being Friends
Love is being friends with each other. Enjoying simple pleasures in life like shopping, catching a movie or watching television at home, apart from a host of other things that "Friends" normally do!
Love is Looking Together in the Same Direction
This may sound clichéd, but it is true…love is having the same goals and taking steps in that direction to make them come true.
I would like to end with one of my favorite quotations…
"Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly
and without law, and must be plucked where it is found,
and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration."
- D. H. Lawrence
By Rachna Gupta
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I’m Only Yours 5
I’m Only Yours 5
Here is the part 5. I hope you guys will like it. I’m sorry for any mistakes...
"Life is not what it seems to be. There is always something hidden behind the mask", Shane suddenly started the conversation. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. He was usually a straightforward type of guy but today, he was sounding really complicated.
"What do u mean? I don’t get anything"
"U will in the right time. Your purpose of life will be shown to u soon."
"U made it sound like I am very special, and there is something big that I need to do."
"There is. U are gonna do something big and special cause u r very special." He made me confused again. I never thought I was special, and what was he really talking about when he said there is something big and special. I think I am not good at anything. I am just worthless, how can I be able to do something big or special.
"Don’t u miss your mom?" he asked with a caring tone.
"How do u know about my mom? U were not even here when my mom died." I was extremely shocked.
"I know this kind of thing, and other things that are very important to u." though he was really sweet, how will he know this kind of things.
"What? It’s impossible. I mean how will u know so much about me."
"Like I told u before, cause u are special. Enough talking, we need to get going, and I am sure u would not want to see Micheal dead." He sounded kind of mean when he said that. Did he realized what he was saying? Though I didn’t love Micheal, it still was kind of mean to say that.
"What is wrong with u? What is your problem? U are acting so different. Are all the guys like this?"
"Teri, don’t get …….."
"Its better if u leave me alone n u can go wherever u want, and I am sure I can find the way by myself." I wasn’t sure why but I was being mad at him.
"Are u sure?" I was expecting him to try to convince me to not to leave but instead it seemed like he didn’t really cared.
"Sure as sure can be. At least I don’t wanna be with u, that’s all that matters for now." so I started going on my own, with even turning back to look at him, which I usually did. "what does he think of himself? Can I not go on my own? Of course I can. I will be fine without him. I don’t even need him", I was saying it to myself until I started hearing those weird sounds again. It sounded like of wild animals, beasts,………
No, I didn’t wanted to die.
I decided it was better to go back but I couldn’t. I mean I will be brave and face it. No, I don’t want to die. Then those sounds started freaking me out. I quickly ran back, and found Shane in the same place where he had been last time. I quickly ran towards him, and hugged him. He laughed.
"I knew u would come back", he didn’t sounded mean instead it sounded funny. He laughed again.
"You are so annoying. What do u think of yourself? I thought u would come after me but u didn’t and instead of comforting me, u r laughing. I hate u. I hate u so much." I was trying to sound like I was really annoyed.
"If I had come after u, I would not have gotten a hug from u." this time he sounded really serious.
"Promise me that u won’t leave me again."
"I will never leave u." he promised, and we decided to go and look for Micheal.
I was starving. I was so hungry. I needed food or else I was sure that I will die. I think Shane noticed that and started asking, "are u hungry?"
"Yeah." I said it in a really low voice.
"I will go and get something for u."
"No…. I mean I don’t want u to be lost like Micheal."
"I won’t be".
"But u cant leave me! What if I heard those weird sounds again? No one is gonna be hear to save me."
"I will come back soon. I won’t let anything happen to u. Trust me."
"I trust u." I didn’t wanted to say that but it just blur out of my mouth. I think I really did trusted him. With that, he gave me an adorable smile, and kissed me in my forehead.
"I will be back soon, and I won’t break your trust."
"I hope so." That was it. Then he left me there alone. I decided I could wait, and that was all I could do.
Wait……
I started hearing those weird sounds again, but I still decided to wait. After about 30 minutes, he was back. I hugged him and he smiled. He had brought a strange fruit with him, which I had no idea, what it was. So I asked him, and he said that he had tested it, and it tested like berry. Even though it was like 5 times bigger then berry, I actually liked it.
We looked everywhere for Micheal, but we couldn’t find him. Was he okay? I was becoming really concerned for him. After all, I was the one who lead him to this forest. If anything ever happened to him, I will blame myself for it.
"Do u think Micheal is okay?" I asked.
"Why u so worried about him?" he seemed to be a little jealous.
"Well, I am the one who lead him to this forest, and he went to look for food for me. I want him to be ok."
"U know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think he is already gone."
"What u mean?"
"I mean it only took me 30 minutes to get u food, so it wont take him that long to…….." I cut him of.
"But why would he left me here?"
"U know nothing about him. Its just been 2 days since u have met him and u ……."
"How do u know that it’s just been 2 days? And anyway u don’t even know him. Why r u acting like u know everything? I mean how do u know so much……."
"Let me finish it for u. I know Micheal from a long time and u don’t know much about him. He is not what u think he is."
"Wait…. But how do u know Micheal?"
"I know him cause ………. Forget it. It’s a long story. You will know about it later."
"Why cant u just tell me everything? Stop making things more complicate then they are, okay?"
"Okay. My dad and his dad had like really big fight, and some how his dad killed my dad. From that day, I have started keeping watch on him and his family, so I know this kind of things."
"I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt u." He didn’t say anything to me, and just stared at the forest.
"U know, I actually really miss my mom. I wish she was here with me ………."
"Its ok Tersa." He put an arm around me, and said, "u see, life is not what it really seems to be but there are good things too." I just nodded. It felt good to be in his arms, then after about 2 minutes, he asked, "what do u want to do?"
"What u mean?"
"I mean shall we go back or should we go and look for Micheal?"
"I don’t know. I mean I don’t care." I was being so comfortable in his arms that I couldn’t think about anyone else but him.
"I think we should go back. Your new mom might be worrying about u."
"How do u know about my new mom?" he knew like everything, and he was making me confused again.
"I know a lot more about u."
"But how is that possible?"
"I was keeping watch on Micheal, then I found u, so I…………"
"What? I mean how can u? (I didn’t wanted to be more confused then I already was) okay, can u be more clear?"
"I can’t. I will tell u when the right time comes."
"And when is that?" I asked with little interest in my voice.
"Soon", that was all he said. Then we started walking. He was walking faster, and I was already getting so tired, but I still managed to catch up to him.
"I can’t walk anymore." I said with my voice sounding really tired.
"Just walk for a while then will stop." He still sounded so calm but it did no help. I still was feeling so tired.
"Shane………………. I can’t walk anymore. Have mercy on me." He laughed. He then came towards me and easily carried me. Of course, now I was feeling better.
By only way
Here is the part 5. I hope you guys will like it. I’m sorry for any mistakes...
"Life is not what it seems to be. There is always something hidden behind the mask", Shane suddenly started the conversation. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. He was usually a straightforward type of guy but today, he was sounding really complicated.
"What do u mean? I don’t get anything"
"U will in the right time. Your purpose of life will be shown to u soon."
"U made it sound like I am very special, and there is something big that I need to do."
"There is. U are gonna do something big and special cause u r very special." He made me confused again. I never thought I was special, and what was he really talking about when he said there is something big and special. I think I am not good at anything. I am just worthless, how can I be able to do something big or special.
"Don’t u miss your mom?" he asked with a caring tone.
"How do u know about my mom? U were not even here when my mom died." I was extremely shocked.
"I know this kind of thing, and other things that are very important to u." though he was really sweet, how will he know this kind of things.
"What? It’s impossible. I mean how will u know so much about me."
"Like I told u before, cause u are special. Enough talking, we need to get going, and I am sure u would not want to see Micheal dead." He sounded kind of mean when he said that. Did he realized what he was saying? Though I didn’t love Micheal, it still was kind of mean to say that.
"What is wrong with u? What is your problem? U are acting so different. Are all the guys like this?"
"Teri, don’t get …….."
"Its better if u leave me alone n u can go wherever u want, and I am sure I can find the way by myself." I wasn’t sure why but I was being mad at him.
"Are u sure?" I was expecting him to try to convince me to not to leave but instead it seemed like he didn’t really cared.
"Sure as sure can be. At least I don’t wanna be with u, that’s all that matters for now." so I started going on my own, with even turning back to look at him, which I usually did. "what does he think of himself? Can I not go on my own? Of course I can. I will be fine without him. I don’t even need him", I was saying it to myself until I started hearing those weird sounds again. It sounded like of wild animals, beasts,………
No, I didn’t wanted to die.
I decided it was better to go back but I couldn’t. I mean I will be brave and face it. No, I don’t want to die. Then those sounds started freaking me out. I quickly ran back, and found Shane in the same place where he had been last time. I quickly ran towards him, and hugged him. He laughed.
"I knew u would come back", he didn’t sounded mean instead it sounded funny. He laughed again.
"You are so annoying. What do u think of yourself? I thought u would come after me but u didn’t and instead of comforting me, u r laughing. I hate u. I hate u so much." I was trying to sound like I was really annoyed.
"If I had come after u, I would not have gotten a hug from u." this time he sounded really serious.
"Promise me that u won’t leave me again."
"I will never leave u." he promised, and we decided to go and look for Micheal.
I was starving. I was so hungry. I needed food or else I was sure that I will die. I think Shane noticed that and started asking, "are u hungry?"
"Yeah." I said it in a really low voice.
"I will go and get something for u."
"No…. I mean I don’t want u to be lost like Micheal."
"I won’t be".
"But u cant leave me! What if I heard those weird sounds again? No one is gonna be hear to save me."
"I will come back soon. I won’t let anything happen to u. Trust me."
"I trust u." I didn’t wanted to say that but it just blur out of my mouth. I think I really did trusted him. With that, he gave me an adorable smile, and kissed me in my forehead.
"I will be back soon, and I won’t break your trust."
"I hope so." That was it. Then he left me there alone. I decided I could wait, and that was all I could do.
Wait……
I started hearing those weird sounds again, but I still decided to wait. After about 30 minutes, he was back. I hugged him and he smiled. He had brought a strange fruit with him, which I had no idea, what it was. So I asked him, and he said that he had tested it, and it tested like berry. Even though it was like 5 times bigger then berry, I actually liked it.
We looked everywhere for Micheal, but we couldn’t find him. Was he okay? I was becoming really concerned for him. After all, I was the one who lead him to this forest. If anything ever happened to him, I will blame myself for it.
"Do u think Micheal is okay?" I asked.
"Why u so worried about him?" he seemed to be a little jealous.
"Well, I am the one who lead him to this forest, and he went to look for food for me. I want him to be ok."
"U know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think he is already gone."
"What u mean?"
"I mean it only took me 30 minutes to get u food, so it wont take him that long to…….." I cut him of.
"But why would he left me here?"
"U know nothing about him. Its just been 2 days since u have met him and u ……."
"How do u know that it’s just been 2 days? And anyway u don’t even know him. Why r u acting like u know everything? I mean how do u know so much……."
"Let me finish it for u. I know Micheal from a long time and u don’t know much about him. He is not what u think he is."
"Wait…. But how do u know Micheal?"
"I know him cause ………. Forget it. It’s a long story. You will know about it later."
"Why cant u just tell me everything? Stop making things more complicate then they are, okay?"
"Okay. My dad and his dad had like really big fight, and some how his dad killed my dad. From that day, I have started keeping watch on him and his family, so I know this kind of things."
"I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt u." He didn’t say anything to me, and just stared at the forest.
"U know, I actually really miss my mom. I wish she was here with me ………."
"Its ok Tersa." He put an arm around me, and said, "u see, life is not what it really seems to be but there are good things too." I just nodded. It felt good to be in his arms, then after about 2 minutes, he asked, "what do u want to do?"
"What u mean?"
"I mean shall we go back or should we go and look for Micheal?"
"I don’t know. I mean I don’t care." I was being so comfortable in his arms that I couldn’t think about anyone else but him.
"I think we should go back. Your new mom might be worrying about u."
"How do u know about my new mom?" he knew like everything, and he was making me confused again.
"I know a lot more about u."
"But how is that possible?"
"I was keeping watch on Micheal, then I found u, so I…………"
"What? I mean how can u? (I didn’t wanted to be more confused then I already was) okay, can u be more clear?"
"I can’t. I will tell u when the right time comes."
"And when is that?" I asked with little interest in my voice.
"Soon", that was all he said. Then we started walking. He was walking faster, and I was already getting so tired, but I still managed to catch up to him.
"I can’t walk anymore." I said with my voice sounding really tired.
"Just walk for a while then will stop." He still sounded so calm but it did no help. I still was feeling so tired.
"Shane………………. I can’t walk anymore. Have mercy on me." He laughed. He then came towards me and easily carried me. Of course, now I was feeling better.
By only way
The Physics and Chemistry of Love
The Physics and Chemistry of Love
Love, like all things bound to the universe, is non existent without some amount of physics and chemistry attached to it. As a scientist cynically pointed out, cupid’s arrows would never have been effective if they had not been first dipped in one unromantically named chemical- phenylethylamine.
Nor would the human body’s reaction have given us dramas like Romeo and Juliet, if oxytocin did not have its way. Together these two form the chemistry of love. The common symptoms of love, including sweaty palms, shaky knees and general restlessness, are caused by a natural chemical, Phenylethylamine (commonly dubbed the `love molecule'). Its release from the brain can be triggered from deceptively simple actions like the meeting of the eyes or touching of the hands. Heady emotions, racing pulses and heavy breathing results, and all these are (unfortunately) clinically explained as an overdose of this chemical. A very interesting thing is that chocolate is known to have very high level of this chemical…perhaps that’s the reason why it is considered a perfect gift for valentine. Or for your sweetheart.
The latest discovery is the arrangement of molecules in this chemicals and the whole world is excited because now, like the witches of the yore, we can actually concoct love potions. In other words, mankind could be on its way to isolating the chemical compound and making drugs that can induce these reactions in us, in other words….you take the drug, and you fall in love with the next person you see. Imagine the chaos that the world will face. But the scientists say that as of now, this discovery will be used to find out how it can help in some other chemical reactions, to cure disease or other, more useful pursuits and research (though everyone agrees what can be more useful than making someone fall with in love you!!!!)
At this point of time, research on the phenylethylamine molecule breakthrough could be extremely helpful in testing of chemicals related to mental illness. Parkinson’s disease could be one.
So what are we left with? Explanations, but nothing is still in our hands. What we know about love is still largely out of our control. For instance, infatuation. This is supposedly the first stage of falling in love, an unbearable attraction towards someone. This attraction causes a virtual explosion of nuerochemicals very similar to adrenalin. Assisted by Phenylethylamine (that speeds up the flow of information between cells), dopamine (that makes us glow and feel good), and norepinephrine (that stimulates the production of adrenalin), make our world go round, our eyes sparkle and our heart beat faster. Our entire existence then depends on the sight of the person who triggered these reactions to begin with, and as the addiction to the chemical grows stronger, our attraction becomes greater. At this stage we commit foolish mistakes which are the stuff puppy love stories are made of. Actually it is these three chemicals that combine to give us what we call infatuation. We feel we are energized, often floating on air…and the reason why people who are just falling in love can talk for hours on end… (the same person becomes boring at a later stage).
We can blame our chemicals for everything. We had a list of attributes ready for matching, but we just end up falling in love with the person who possesses none of them…it is , as they say, chemistry. Social obligations, other relationships, sense and sensibility, all take a back seat; our mind soars with these natural drugs. No wonder, a lover and a madman are said to be alike. Scientists also opine that this `clicking’ would be with a person with whom we can identify a parent-child situation. A person who, in our subconscious, will give us back something we feel we lost during our growing up years. For some it is security, for some others, it is warmth, and then others, just a spirit of adventure. This could be the reason why demure, well brought up girls usually fall for wastrels. This subconscious selection of mate gets our phenylethylamines and other chemicals moving. This period when our brain is awash with the love hormones lasts for different durations in different people, between six months to three years. In most of us, it settles down after that. For mercurial people, this high is missed and that’s the reason why they need another temporary high….another relationship, another chemical fix. If these love junkies stay married, they will need new relationships to keep their dope, and sometimes, bigger highs. hence bigger risks.
In this world of chemical signals, humans are not scientifically considered monogamous; we do not fall under the 3% of the species that are monogamous. The species that stick to one mate usually have a rich flow of another chemical called vasopressin, the monogamy chemical. Experiments done with males injected with this chemical brought out all the evidence needed. Isolating males before and after mating showed that before mating, he was indifferent to all females. But 24 hours after mating, he is hooked for life. The jealous husband syndrome sets in too.
Another interesting chemical is oxytoxin, the `cuddling ‘chemical. It promotes the need to be physically held, have close contact with he mate and makes both the sexes more caring. It can be released simply by a lover’s look, smell or even a fantasy.
So much for the chemistry of infatuation. When infatuation subsides, another chemical takes over, which is responsible for intimate relationships. These chemicals are created by endorphins. They make a relationship steadier, intimate, dependable, warm and a great sharing experience. They do not induce a giddy high, but calmness and stability…hence are the reason why people stay married. The longer they are married, the longer two people stay together, because this chemical is addictive. It is endorphins that trigger grief on a spouse’s death or long separation, those yearnings for togetherness. The two types of attachments can be summed up as follows…adrenaline love is being in love with the idea of being in love. While endorphins, we like loving someone.
So much for the magic of love and the realms written on it. It did come out of a bottle after all….and continues to afflict us….generations after generation.
Love, like all things bound to the universe, is non existent without some amount of physics and chemistry attached to it. As a scientist cynically pointed out, cupid’s arrows would never have been effective if they had not been first dipped in one unromantically named chemical- phenylethylamine.
Nor would the human body’s reaction have given us dramas like Romeo and Juliet, if oxytocin did not have its way. Together these two form the chemistry of love. The common symptoms of love, including sweaty palms, shaky knees and general restlessness, are caused by a natural chemical, Phenylethylamine (commonly dubbed the `love molecule'). Its release from the brain can be triggered from deceptively simple actions like the meeting of the eyes or touching of the hands. Heady emotions, racing pulses and heavy breathing results, and all these are (unfortunately) clinically explained as an overdose of this chemical. A very interesting thing is that chocolate is known to have very high level of this chemical…perhaps that’s the reason why it is considered a perfect gift for valentine. Or for your sweetheart.
The latest discovery is the arrangement of molecules in this chemicals and the whole world is excited because now, like the witches of the yore, we can actually concoct love potions. In other words, mankind could be on its way to isolating the chemical compound and making drugs that can induce these reactions in us, in other words….you take the drug, and you fall in love with the next person you see. Imagine the chaos that the world will face. But the scientists say that as of now, this discovery will be used to find out how it can help in some other chemical reactions, to cure disease or other, more useful pursuits and research (though everyone agrees what can be more useful than making someone fall with in love you!!!!)
At this point of time, research on the phenylethylamine molecule breakthrough could be extremely helpful in testing of chemicals related to mental illness. Parkinson’s disease could be one.
So what are we left with? Explanations, but nothing is still in our hands. What we know about love is still largely out of our control. For instance, infatuation. This is supposedly the first stage of falling in love, an unbearable attraction towards someone. This attraction causes a virtual explosion of nuerochemicals very similar to adrenalin. Assisted by Phenylethylamine (that speeds up the flow of information between cells), dopamine (that makes us glow and feel good), and norepinephrine (that stimulates the production of adrenalin), make our world go round, our eyes sparkle and our heart beat faster. Our entire existence then depends on the sight of the person who triggered these reactions to begin with, and as the addiction to the chemical grows stronger, our attraction becomes greater. At this stage we commit foolish mistakes which are the stuff puppy love stories are made of. Actually it is these three chemicals that combine to give us what we call infatuation. We feel we are energized, often floating on air…and the reason why people who are just falling in love can talk for hours on end… (the same person becomes boring at a later stage).
We can blame our chemicals for everything. We had a list of attributes ready for matching, but we just end up falling in love with the person who possesses none of them…it is , as they say, chemistry. Social obligations, other relationships, sense and sensibility, all take a back seat; our mind soars with these natural drugs. No wonder, a lover and a madman are said to be alike. Scientists also opine that this `clicking’ would be with a person with whom we can identify a parent-child situation. A person who, in our subconscious, will give us back something we feel we lost during our growing up years. For some it is security, for some others, it is warmth, and then others, just a spirit of adventure. This could be the reason why demure, well brought up girls usually fall for wastrels. This subconscious selection of mate gets our phenylethylamines and other chemicals moving. This period when our brain is awash with the love hormones lasts for different durations in different people, between six months to three years. In most of us, it settles down after that. For mercurial people, this high is missed and that’s the reason why they need another temporary high….another relationship, another chemical fix. If these love junkies stay married, they will need new relationships to keep their dope, and sometimes, bigger highs. hence bigger risks.
In this world of chemical signals, humans are not scientifically considered monogamous; we do not fall under the 3% of the species that are monogamous. The species that stick to one mate usually have a rich flow of another chemical called vasopressin, the monogamy chemical. Experiments done with males injected with this chemical brought out all the evidence needed. Isolating males before and after mating showed that before mating, he was indifferent to all females. But 24 hours after mating, he is hooked for life. The jealous husband syndrome sets in too.
Another interesting chemical is oxytoxin, the `cuddling ‘chemical. It promotes the need to be physically held, have close contact with he mate and makes both the sexes more caring. It can be released simply by a lover’s look, smell or even a fantasy.
So much for the chemistry of infatuation. When infatuation subsides, another chemical takes over, which is responsible for intimate relationships. These chemicals are created by endorphins. They make a relationship steadier, intimate, dependable, warm and a great sharing experience. They do not induce a giddy high, but calmness and stability…hence are the reason why people stay married. The longer they are married, the longer two people stay together, because this chemical is addictive. It is endorphins that trigger grief on a spouse’s death or long separation, those yearnings for togetherness. The two types of attachments can be summed up as follows…adrenaline love is being in love with the idea of being in love. While endorphins, we like loving someone.
So much for the magic of love and the realms written on it. It did come out of a bottle after all….and continues to afflict us….generations after generation.
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