When you get divorced, how long should you wait before you begin to date again? Only your children should be considered in answering this question.
When you go through a divorce it feels like you are grieving a death and basically, that’s precisely what you are doing. A divorce is the death of a marriage. It takes time to "get through it" and get the grief processed. You need to grieve and go through the stages of grief. If you have been divorced awhile, you may be ready to start dating again. Before you start to take this important step, you need to do some evaluating.
First of all, you need to assess how long you have been divorced. Has it been a month, six months, a year? Everyone’s time frame for when it is appropriate for you to start dating will vary. The only people that you need to consider when making this decision are your children. I’m not saying that you need to ask their permission; they might not be accepting of the idea for a while. I’m just saying that it is your job to assess the situation. How have they been acting? Do they ask you about finding some one new? How old are they? Are they little kids who really don’t understand the situation fully, or are they older kids who really do know what is going on?
Second of all, you need to figure out your approach. If you do start dating, are you going to be open about it or keep it a secret from your children until you find some one that you want to be serious with? I have seen people take both of these paths. In my opinion, being open from the start is better. You may be opposed to this at first, but it really does ease them into the whole process. When a parent keeps it from them and all of a sudden is like "WHAM! This is my new boyfriend/girlfriend." It’s a lot for some children to handle all at once.
Third, you have to actually start dating! How is that going to happen? Are people already trying to fix you up? Do you have someone in mind already that you are interested in? Would you prefer to join some kind of dating service?
This should be an exciting time for you. You might not have been on a date in a long time, but it will all come rushing back. It’s good to get past the grief of your divorce, begin dating again and meet new people even if nothing develops romantically. You can never have too many friends to share time and conversation with.
First of all, you need to assess how long you have been divorced. Has it been a month, six months, a year? Everyone’s time frame for when it is appropriate for you to start dating will vary. The only people that you need to consider when making this decision are your children. I’m not saying that you need to ask their permission; they might not be accepting of the idea for a while. I’m just saying that it is your job to assess the situation. How have they been acting? Do they ask you about finding some one new? How old are they? Are they little kids who really don’t understand the situation fully, or are they older kids who really do know what is going on?
Second of all, you need to figure out your approach. If you do start dating, are you going to be open about it or keep it a secret from your children until you find some one that you want to be serious with? I have seen people take both of these paths. In my opinion, being open from the start is better. You may be opposed to this at first, but it really does ease them into the whole process. When a parent keeps it from them and all of a sudden is like "WHAM! This is my new boyfriend/girlfriend." It’s a lot for some children to handle all at once.
Third, you have to actually start dating! How is that going to happen? Are people already trying to fix you up? Do you have someone in mind already that you are interested in? Would you prefer to join some kind of dating service?
This should be an exciting time for you. You might not have been on a date in a long time, but it will all come rushing back. It’s good to get past the grief of your divorce, begin dating again and meet new people even if nothing develops romantically. You can never have too many friends to share time and conversation with.
 | | By Len Stauffenger Published: 4/4/2008 |
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