Catch him and Keep him...

I came across a book by a guy who was basically telling men what to do get a girl in bed. "How to bag a (insert naughty word here) buddy in 10 days!" The title proudly proclaimed. I chuckled to myself, thinking of all the immature men who would seriously believe there was such a thing, plunking down whatever outrageous fee for the book, only to be disappointed by the fact that (a) no self respecting woman would allow herself to be used like some sort of inflatable doll for his pleasure, (b) a platonic sex relationship can often get just as complicated, if not more so, as a regular long term one, (c) even if he did find such a relationship, it grows old very fast, for both of you, no matter what a man may think.

Sorry, you can't dodge responsibility.

When I visited Catch Him and Keep Him , I felt I was viewing the female equivalent of the above ideology.

The site promises the female visitor that they are "about to learn the secrets that most women will never know about meeting and keeping great men."

It author of said wondrous secrets says that they can make your relationship cheat proof, reveal the five things that women do that kill intimacy, and tell you how to spot a great guy. Once you sign up, you are treated to what is essentially an advertisement for an e-book, with the option to obtain a seven-day trial.

In much the manner of a fortuneteller revealing that they have envisioned a tall dark stranger in your future, this site is a trickster designed to fool people into going against their own instincts.

I mean, what happened to simply being real? How, if you are trying to recall a bevy of rules, are you being yourself?

When I finally met the man I eventually married, I had played all the games, tried to listen to "The Rules", bought into the Oprah/Dr Phil Logic of the day and finally said, "You know what! I am tired, I just want to be myself, and if the person doesn't like it, then lump him!"

Luckily, prior to our date, my future hubby had decided the same thing.

We got together, no rules, just a boy and a girl meeting, who saw one another, and fell, in love.

As a matter of fact, on our second date he told me, "Hey this is me, all of me, take it or leave it."

I grinned at him and said, "I'll take it!"

To me the rules are simple. Be yourself, for as the old saying goes, it is better to be hated for who you are, then loved for who you are not. Trying to act and be something other than you is self-defeating, and all you will do is end up resenting your partner. Find the person who thinks you are fabulous, where you are a virgin or have had more than your share of dancing partners.

All I can say my sisters, is that you are beautiful as you are-don't tie yourself in knots looking for the one-the "one" is the man who will love you for you, annoying faults and all.


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